Online dating.  Free membership on Yourdatingbook.com

Special to The Canadian

If you’re thinking about a long-term commitment, should you sign something so your partner doesn’t wind up with your family heirlooms and half of your cat?

Edited by John Stokes

Yourdatingbook.com has gone on sale.  This webvsite domain is ideal for entrepreneurs who are seeking to start-up a new ‘online’ dating website.

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Sixteen million Americans, or 11% of Internet users, have visited a dating Website, according to the Pew Internet & American Life Project study.

Online dating is, increasingly, a familiar part of America’s social life:

• 31% of American adults say they know someone who has used a dating site
• 15% know someone married, or in a long-term relationship, who met online

64% of online daters feel that online services offer potential for a good match because of the larger pool of prospective mates. Sixteen million Americans, or 11% of Internet users, have visited a dating Website, according to the Pew Internet & American Life Project study.

Online dating is, increasingly, a familiar part of America’s social life:

• 31% of American adults say they know someone who has used a dating site
• 15% know someone married, or in a long-term relationship, who met online

64% of online daters feel that online services offer potential for a good match because of the larger pool of prospective mates.

The online dating industry has seen average pricing jump from $19.99 per month to industry averages of $49-59 dollars per month for dating subscribers in the U.S.

Some analyst predict that by 2008, revenues for dating-related sites will top $600 million.

Tgirls online dating

Special to The Canadian

Thank you for your “A Rock and a Hard Place” article, the only real attempt to grapple with the issues of disclosure I have found on the net. I would just like to run some thoughts past you.

For some years I have grappled with disclosure issues in relation to friends, lovers and potential dates. I have wondered about both ethics of disclosure and the practical consequences. Like you, I doubt there’s any clear-cut answer. Some days I feel so frustrated with the complexities that I feel like making an “I am a transsexual” t-shirt and wearing it everywhere to make life simpler.

The ethical questions are so complicated. On a basic level, of course it is the right thing to disclose. That way you live positively. There’s nothing to hide. It’s all out in the open.

There’s a bravado attitude out there that says “if anyone doesn’t accept it then they are not worth knowing” but it’s easier said than done. It’s all too glib for my liking. There are many, not terribly deep, interactions we have with people that help to make life enjoyable. So if it’s not absolutely essential to a relationship then why spill the beans and have some of those easy relations transformed into weirdness and suspicion? That’s the easy one.

For me, the real hassles come with people who are closer to you. When it comes to friends, non-disclosure usually places limits on a relationship. Once people feel that you can’t trust them with certain details of your life then the friendship soon finds its limits. I’ve especially found this problem with female friends. As a result, I have few female friends because you can’t get away with just talking about “stuff”. It’s not ideal but the alternative isn’t great either. As you say, we’re caught between a rock and a hard place.

The thing is, if you disclose, you tend to cease being a person who is fun to be with, of good character, having fascinating ideas or interests etc. You become just a “transsexual”. Full stop. “Oh? So-and-so? She’s a transsexual, did you know?”. Not “she’s really fun”. Not “she does so-and-so”. No, “She’s a transsexual”. She used to have a dick. I changed over to reduce the drama in my life and try to become a productive human being without a host of distractions about who and what I was etc etc and disclosing tends to defeat that aim.

When you disclose you are not actually saying that you are – for all practical means and purposes – a woman (who so happened to once have a male body and lived a male life). Instead you become a “transsexual”.

Since transsexualism is rarely of any consequence to most people’s lives, a “transsexual” is a caricature created by the media and urban myths. To some people “transsexuals” are she-males on porn sites. To others they are sexually predatory gender benders who hang around in the gay scene, tottering on their stilettos and sporting mini skirts while they look for trade. To others, they are crossdressers who lost the plot and probably have an issue with their mothers. And so on. Being a “transsexual”means havig one quality that totallyu swamps anything else you may be.

Usually, the only people who truly “get it” are those who have or have had a good TS friend and they will probably suspect you anyway, since they intuitively learn what combinations of androgynous aspects that are giveaways.

So when you tell someone that you’ve had a sex change, most people will immediately superimpose this caricature over the top of you. That is, the real you ceases to exist and they get the completely wrong idea of who and what you are, and all explanations tend to be seen with suspicion since it runs contrary to what they “know”.

In this context, which is more honest? To let people see you as you are today or let them get completely the wrong idea about you? You could even say that, by not disclosing, we are protecting people (and ourselves) from their misconceptions.

At the very least, it makes sense to me to hold off on disclosures as long as possible so the person gets a really good feel for who you really are. That way, you at least have a chance of overcoming “the caricature effect”. You both then have a better chance of keeping what is most likely a friendship that gives each person pleasure. Everybody wins, although as I said before, the “win” is mitigated by the potential loss of greater intimacy. If you go in too early and get rejected then everyone loses.

This brings me to the next issue. I ask myself, “Will this knowledge make the person any happier?”. Will it be a positive in their life? If not, why tell them? Personally, I find it hard to think long range, given life’s uncertainties, so I operate here in the short term. When I am having a conversation with a friend I would really prefer to just talk about regular things than have some drawn-out intense conversation about the intimate details of my life. Every time. Worse, in some circumstances, disclosure can come across as self-absorbed and attention-seeking. It’s so important to to be done right.

If you do decide to disclose, I like your idea of setting aside a special time and place to do it feels right. Not that I have done that in the past, but if I do, I’ll take your advice. I imagine my angle would be along the lines of “I really value your friendship and I feel like you should know something about me that I rarely tell people” (or something like that). I would only do this if I thought there was a VERY good chance of improving the friendship.

Many of the above issues probably hold true with relationships, except the stakes are higher. I used to have a rule that I wouldn’t say anything unless things start getting physical, and then I’d tell all. More than once a man who had given me the impression that he saw me as marriage material would go totally off me. It really hurts to go froma “ten” to a “one” in a matter of seconds.

There was one fellow, where the sparks were really flying, and on our third date we started carrying on a bit I felt I had to say something before it went too far. At first I just said that I had something I needed to tell him and asked him to guess what it was, just in case he already had suspicions. When he made some really dumb guesses I disclosed.

I can still see his eyes widen in horror. We were lying on his couch, our faces just a few inches apart. It was so sad. We talked for an hour but in the end, even though he said he needed time to think about it, it was clear that he couldn’t deal with my past in terms of a relationship. I was totally gutted and cried on and off for two days afterwards. Since our chemistry was so good and we had so many common interests we have been platonic friends for the past few years, but I still wonder if I’d held off for longer whether it would have made a difference.

Now I simply live for the day with no expectations. Make hay while the sun shines is my credo.

A male friend has recently decided to take our friendship to another level (with little resistance from me) and I have no intention of telling him. I think we’re both playing it fairly easy; more friends who are also lovers than having a relationship per se. He came out of a problematical divorce just 18 months ago and currently finds the idea of commitment as very off-putting. Light and easy suits me fine!

I have already needed to be evasive about a lot of family-type questions with him (I have a teenage son who is my “nephew”), but would disclosing make either of us any happier? Regardless of my past, those nice times happened and no disclosures since can take those times away from either of us. If I’d told him, I’m pretty sure he would have backed off and we would have missed out on those nice times.

Sure, if you wait before disclosing then some people might be angry that you for withholding that information. I have no fear of violence because I would never bother with anyone with any violent inclinations. So the issue for me is more about at least salvaging good relations, and that means trying to get the person to understand how difficult the issue is for you – especially with “the caricature effect” and being typecast as being a transsexual and nothing more – as well as the ethical dilemmas you have to wrestle with. All the stuff I’ve spoken about.

But it’s sooo gruelling! It’s not something I can easily do time and time again. Back when I was on a dating site a few years ago I got disclosure fatigue and ended up taking off my respectable ad on a respectable website and instead advertising “out” on an “adult” (ie. childish) dating website for casual play. I had so many repulsive messages it was painful! Still, I was lucky and found probably one of the few men on the site who wasn’t a creep and chose me for common interests rather than my “transness” (he hated it if I mentioned anything to do with it) and we went out for a couple of years.

In the end, if you go through all of the drama and hassle of disclosure and you still lose out after all that, then I suppose all you can do is accept that, on this occasion, Jerry Springer (and others who drive our reputations through the muck on the media) have won, lick your wounds, and move on when you can gather the emotional energy to go through it all over again.

Sorry for the soliloquy but I really want to nut these issues out and it seems that my views aren’t miles from yours. What do you think? Have I missed anything?

All the best and thanks for raising some real issues!

READ MORE?

internet site reference: LINK

Tgirl and Admirers Connections: http://www.tgirls.agoracosmopolitan.com

Tgirls online dating

Free Live Cams – Transsexual Women  (Adults only)

Free Live Cams 2 – More Transsexual Women  (Adults only)

Special to The Canadian

Thank you for your “A Rock and a Hard Place” article, the only real attempt to grapple with the issues of disclosure I have found on the net. I would just like to run some thoughts past you.

For some years I have grappled with disclosure issues in relation to friends, lovers and potential dates. I have wondered about both ethics of disclosure and the practical consequences. Like you, I doubt there’s any clear-cut answer. Some days I feel so frustrated with the complexities that I feel like making an “I am a transsexual” t-shirt and wearing it everywhere to make life simpler.

The ethical questions are so complicated. On a basic level, of course it is the right thing to disclose. That way you live positively. There’s nothing to hide. It’s all out in the open.

There’s a bravado attitude out there that says “if anyone doesn’t accept it then they are not worth knowing” but it’s easier said than done. It’s all too glib for my liking. There are many, not terribly deep, interactions we have with people that help to make life enjoyable. So if it’s not absolutely essential to a relationship then why spill the beans and have some of those easy relations transformed into weirdness and suspicion? That’s the easy one.

For me, the real hassles come with people who are closer to you. When it comes to friends, non-disclosure usually places limits on a relationship. Once people feel that you can’t trust them with certain details of your life then the friendship soon finds its limits. I’ve especially found this problem with female friends. As a result, I have few female friends because you can’t get away with just talking about “stuff”. It’s not ideal but the alternative isn’t great either. As you say, we’re caught between a rock and a hard place.

The thing is, if you disclose, you tend to cease being a person who is fun to be with, of good character, having fascinating ideas or interests etc. You become just a “transsexual”. Full stop. “Oh? So-and-so? She’s a transsexual, did you know?”. Not “she’s really fun”. Not “she does so-and-so”. No, “She’s a transsexual”. She used to have a dick. I changed over to reduce the drama in my life and try to become a productive human being without a host of distractions about who and what I was etc etc and disclosing tends to defeat that aim.

When you disclose you are not actually saying that you are – for all practical means and purposes – a woman (who so happened to once have a male body and lived a male life). Instead you become a “transsexual”.

Since transsexualism is rarely of any consequence to most people’s lives, a “transsexual” is a caricature created by the media and urban myths. To some people “transsexuals” are she-males on porn sites. To others they are sexually predatory gender benders who hang around in the gay scene, tottering on their stilettos and sporting mini skirts while they look for trade. To others, they are crossdressers who lost the plot and probably have an issue with their mothers. And so on. Being a “transsexual”means havig one quality that totallyu swamps anything else you may be.

Usually, the only people who truly “get it” are those who have or have had a good TS friend and they will probably suspect you anyway, since they intuitively learn what combinations of androgynous aspects that are giveaways.

So when you tell someone that you’ve had a sex change, most people will immediately superimpose this caricature over the top of you. That is, the real you ceases to exist and they get the completely wrong idea of who and what you are, and all explanations tend to be seen with suspicion since it runs contrary to what they “know”.

In this context, which is more honest? To let people see you as you are today or let them get completely the wrong idea about you? You could even say that, by not disclosing, we are protecting people (and ourselves) from their misconceptions.

At the very least, it makes sense to me to hold off on disclosures as long as possible so the person gets a really good feel for who you really are. That way, you at least have a chance of overcoming “the caricature effect”. You both then have a better chance of keeping what is most likely a friendship that gives each person pleasure. Everybody wins, although as I said before, the “win” is mitigated by the potential loss of greater intimacy. If you go in too early and get rejected then everyone loses.

This brings me to the next issue. I ask myself, “Will this knowledge make the person any happier?”. Will it be a positive in their life? If not, why tell them? Personally, I find it hard to think long range, given life’s uncertainties, so I operate here in the short term. When I am having a conversation with a friend I would really prefer to just talk about regular things than have some drawn-out intense conversation about the intimate details of my life. Every time. Worse, in some circumstances, disclosure can come across as self-absorbed and attention-seeking. It’s so important to to be done right.

If you do decide to disclose, I like your idea of setting aside a special time and place to do it feels right. Not that I have done that in the past, but if I do, I’ll take your advice. I imagine my angle would be along the lines of “I really value your friendship and I feel like you should know something about me that I rarely tell people” (or something like that). I would only do this if I thought there was a VERY good chance of improving the friendship.

Many of the above issues probably hold true with relationships, except the stakes are higher. I used to have a rule that I wouldn’t say anything unless things start getting physical, and then I’d tell all. More than once a man who had given me the impression that he saw me as marriage material would go totally off me. It really hurts to go froma “ten” to a “one” in a matter of seconds.

There was one fellow, where the sparks were really flying, and on our third date we started carrying on a bit I felt I had to say something before it went too far. At first I just said that I had something I needed to tell him and asked him to guess what it was, just in case he already had suspicions. When he made some really dumb guesses I disclosed.

I can still see his eyes widen in horror. We were lying on his couch, our faces just a few inches apart. It was so sad. We talked for an hour but in the end, even though he said he needed time to think about it, it was clear that he couldn’t deal with my past in terms of a relationship. I was totally gutted and cried on and off for two days afterwards. Since our chemistry was so good and we had so many common interests we have been platonic friends for the past few years, but I still wonder if I’d held off for longer whether it would have made a difference.

Now I simply live for the day with no expectations. Make hay while the sun shines is my credo.

A male friend has recently decided to take our friendship to another level (with little resistance from me) and I have no intention of telling him. I think we’re both playing it fairly easy; more friends who are also lovers than having a relationship per se. He came out of a problematical divorce just 18 months ago and currently finds the idea of commitment as very off-putting. Light and easy suits me fine!

I have already needed to be evasive about a lot of family-type questions with him (I have a teenage son who is my “nephew”), but would disclosing make either of us any happier? Regardless of my past, those nice times happened and no disclosures since can take those times away from either of us. If I’d told him, I’m pretty sure he would have backed off and we would have missed out on those nice times.

Sure, if you wait before disclosing then some people might be angry that you for withholding that information. I have no fear of violence because I would never bother with anyone with any violent inclinations. So the issue for me is more about at least salvaging good relations, and that means trying to get the person to understand how difficult the issue is for you – especially with “the caricature effect” and being typecast as being a transsexual and nothing more – as well as the ethical dilemmas you have to wrestle with. All the stuff I’ve spoken about.

But it’s sooo gruelling! It’s not something I can easily do time and time again. Back when I was on a dating site a few years ago I got disclosure fatigue and ended up taking off my respectable ad on a respectable website and instead advertising “out” on an “adult” (ie. childish) dating website for casual play. I had so many repulsive messages it was painful! Still, I was lucky and found probably one of the few men on the site who wasn’t a creep and chose me for common interests rather than my “transness” (he hated it if I mentioned anything to do with it) and we went out for a couple of years.

In the end, if you go through all of the drama and hassle of disclosure and you still lose out after all that, then I suppose all you can do is accept that, on this occasion, Jerry Springer (and others who drive our reputations through the muck on the media) have won, lick your wounds, and move on when you can gather the emotional energy to go through it all over again.

Sorry for the soliloquy but I really want to nut these issues out and it seems that my views aren’t miles from yours. What do you think? Have I missed anything?

All the best and thanks for raising some real issues!

READ MORE?

internet site reference:  LINK

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Submit proposed editorials or articles to editor-in-chief@agoracosmopolitan.com

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by Nikki Watkins

Every girl knows you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince. Studies confirm the path to true love is indeed long.

It takes an average of 75 hours and  £500 to find love, recent research from Humboldt University in Germany shows.

But according to Natalie Moran, 25, even that would be a blessing.

Sales account manager Natalie, from south London in Britain, kept a dating diary for a year – and found her costs topped  £700 as she spent more than 100 HOURS on her dates.

And instead of Mr. Right, she met a load of ‘losers’ – including a fella more interested in admiring his moped, a guy fresh out of rehab and another who babbled on about his floor, then confessed to an S&M fetish.

Here are some of her diary entries…

JUNE 18, 2009: Stuart and I had texted and emailed through a dating website. Since I was nervous about meeting a stranger, I chose my local pub.

To settle my nerves for my first date in two years, I had a glass of wine at home. He was running late so by the time we met I’d drunk the whole bottle.

He was shorter than he said. But the date went well – being a little tipsy may have helped.

COST:  £30.98 – new lippy  £8.99, bottle of wine  £5.99 and drinks in bar  £6.

DATE TIME: 8hrs 10mins – shopping 4hrs, getting ready 1hr, pub 3hrs and travel 10 mins.

JUNE 19: Met Stuart for a second date at my local. He turned up in a coat with his name on the back – not an outfit screaming seduction. Wished I’d not bought a new jacket.

He offered to walk me home and to carry my bag. I warned him it was heavy, but he took it from me.

Then he handed it straight back red faced from the exertion. Hmmm… not so macho.

And instead of walking me to my door, he left me when he reached the 24hr McDonald’s.

COST:  £44 – food & drink  £14, new jacket  £30.

DATE TIME: 6hrs 40mins – shopping 2hrs, getting ready 1hr, pub 3hrs 30mins and travel 10 mins.

JULY 20: Stopped contact but Stuart didn’t take the hint so I told him there was no chemistry.

LESSON: Size isn’t everything… never trust the height on an internet profile.

SEPT 10: My first-ever speed date. I felt like I was interviewing as all 13 men spent their allotted time maniacally listing their good points.

The night ended in a scrum as the 17 girls fought to talk to the three half-decent guys – not very dignified.

I was flattered a man asked for my number but if you like someone you write it on the form and pay for the speed date. But, because he had no matches, his date was free – tight wad.

COST:  £17 – drinks  £15, bus  £2.

DATE TIME: 6hrs – speed date 3hrs, discussing it with pals 2hrs, getting ready 1hr.

OCT 25: Through internet dating, I meet Brett. He’s not my type lookswise and quite a bit shorter than me but I could have eaten him alive.

He gave me chocolates and a CD, which was sweet, but I decided it wouldn’t be right to continue.

COST: £10 – drinks  £8, travel  £2.

DATE TIME: 6hrs 20mins – shopping 2hrs, getting ready 1hr, travel 20 mins, pub 3hr.

LESSON: It’s OK to look a gift horse in the mouth.

OCT 30: I break my own rule and go for a younger guy, since Ray, 21, who I met through a dating site, is so good-looking.

On our date I’d come straight from the gym so was starving. Ordered the smallest salad and after a second glass of wine started to feel tipsy.

COST:  £49 – dinner and drinks  £22, travel  £2, new lip gloss and powder  £25.

DATE TIME: 7hrs – shopping 2hrs, getting ready 2hrs, pub 3hrs.

NOV 5: Met Ray for dinner. Conversation was a little lacking – who cares, he looked great.

COST:  £77 – new dress  £50, food & drinks  £25 and travel  £2.

DATE TIME: 4hrs 40mins – shopping 1hr 40mins, getting ready 1hr, date 2hrs.

NOV 7: Buy a new pair of killer heels to wow Ray on third date.

COST:  £57 – new shoes  £35, food & drinks  £20, travel  £2.

DATE TIME: 6hrs – getting ready 2hrs, date 4hrs.

DEC 8: Ray cooked dinner… well, a Sainsbury’s ready meal. Wasn’t sure what was on the menu for dessert. I left after a goodnight kiss… a gent.

But then I got a 4am text inviting me back for fun with some of his friends. I ended it there and then.

.

COST:  £20.99 – Taxi home  £14, bottle of wine  £6.99.

DATE TIME: 6hrs 30mins – shopping 2hrs, getting ready 1hr, date at Ray’s 3hrs 30mins.

LESSON: Some men are into internet dating for one thing – and it’s not a kiss goodnight!

JAN 7: I go to my local pub for a date with Callum who I met through a dating site, and he seems a lovely guy.

COST:  £45 – new nail varnish and perfume.

DATE TIME: 3hrs 30mins – getting ready 1hr, pub 2hrs 30mins.

JAN 14: Callum makes a major confession on our second date – he’s been to rehab, which is a surprise. But he seems a genuine bloke so I give him a chance.

COST:  £48 – drinks  £8, new dress  £40.

DATE TIME: 6hrs – getting ready 2hrs, pub 4hrs.

FEB 17: Callum’s moody on our fifth date as I cook dinner. Turns out he’s been reading my phone messages from Ray. I was too surprised to argue and he left, never to return.

COST:  £35 – food & drink.

DATE TIME: 4hrs 30mins – cooking and shopping 2hrs, date 2hrs 30mins.

LESSON: Honesty’s not always the best policy especially if he is rifling through your text messages!

MARCH 3: I have high hopes for Shaun, 32, an accountant. Thought seeing an older man might work. Remember Sex And The City’s Mr Big?

Arranged the perfect date at Borough Market, a food market in London. We strolled romantically around the stalls drinking warm cider. He had lovely hazel eyes but was obsessed with the new flooring he was fitting.

He couldn’t handle his booze and proceeded to tell me about his S&M fetish – I nearly choked on my drink! The dating rules state talking about exes is taboo, so rubber fetishes are a closed subject!

Desperately, I tried to turn the talk back to flooring.

COST:  £111 – new winter coat  £90, drinks  £15, fares  £6.

DATE TIME: 4hrs – getting ready 1hr, date 3hrs.

LESSON: Booze on a first date isn’t always the best option, especially for the man.

APRIL 20: Goodness knows what they think at my local as I turn up with another man – who I met through a dating site.

I’m slightly hungover and the conversation with Simon doesn’t flow. He insisted on driving me home and as we pulled up he went in for the kill.

Really not what I needed when I wasn’t feeling well. All that slobber – he was lucky I didn’t throw up.

Surprisingly, I didn’t hear from him again.

COST:  £95 – new jeans and top  £80, drinks  £15.

DATE TIME: 6hrs – shopping 2hrs, getting ready 1hr, pub 3hrs.

LESSON: First kisses are not always memorable for the right reason.

MAY 24: Went for a nice meal with Jack, who I’d met on the internet. My heart raced as he reached across the table, thinking he was going for a romantic hand-hold. But no, he was moving a vase so he could check on his moped.

Don’t think he is my knight in shining armour.

COST:  £75 – new top  £40, food & drink  £35.

DATE TIME: 7hrs – shopping 2hrs 30 mins, getting ready 2hrs, date 2hrs 30mins.

LESSON: The art of romance is well and truly dead.

SINCE THEN: I’ve been on two dates with a man I was introduced to through friends. He seems very nice, so who knows? Maybe my hours of dating are coming to an end.

I’ve decided after dating 20 people – 13 on the speed date – that it’s not for me.

From now on I’m only taking the old-fashioned route of bumping into my possible Mr Right.

Names and dates have been changed to protect identities. Where there is no travel time, Natalie had a date locally.

Read more?

Internet site reference: LINK

Online dating is meeting the needs of more and more people in America every day. They no longer have to worry about trying to find time to date. They can look for dates and meet people when it is most convenient for them. There are no certain time periods or hours of operation. They can work around their personal schedule and their lives.

There are more and more online dating sites being created everyday. There are free sites and also sites that charge a fee. There are similarities and differences between the two kinds of sites. All of the sites are basically set up the same. They have similar layouts and information. Most have certain criteria or information that they use to match people with others that they are compatible with. The sites that charge a fee usually offer more to their members. They have unlimited messaging and email capabilities. They are free to contact as many people as they want. They also get more information. Some sites also offer their paid members featured profiles and spots within the site that get them noticed more.

Many people have been skeptical and had reservations about online dating in the past. However, in recent years there have been major improvements made. The sites are now more careful about their screening process and many require more information. There are some dating sites that require a picture to be uploaded to the site and approved before the user can access the site. This makes it more likely that the person is serious and is providing truthful information.

There are still cases where people are deceiving and they may not be totally honest about their appearance or themselves. They may post a fake picture that is not of them. However, the same is true in any dating situation. You do not truly know a person for quite some time most often. They do not open up and tell you their deep, dark secrets or give you a clear idea of their personality and true nature right away.

The important thing when you are considering online dating is to do your research. You should look at the different sites and research all of them thoroughly. Consider whether you are willing to pay for a site. Most sites offer a free trial. You do not get all of the features, but you can get an idea of what the site is like. If it is highly appealing, you may decide to pay for a membership. This is a matter of personal preference and desires. Look for testimonials and high member numbers. The best sites will offer testimonials within their site. They will also have a large number of members that are using their site.

About the writer:

Roy is an online marketing veteran specialized on online services. Dating online is a very important issue and Roy has done a considerable research on dating and relationships online and offline. LINK

Free Adult personals, LINK

Advertise your online dating website or business: advertise@agoracosmopolitan.com.

by C. Tyler

If you are asking yourself the question, “how do I get my girlfriend back,” then you will want to pay attention. This could be a make or break situation for you right now and if you don’t follow the right steps to attract her back, she just might end up finding a new guy and you will be forced to deal with her leaving you… for good!

When you have to face the facts and deal with the fact that your girlfriend has decided to break up with you, you probably are dreading the idea of losing her forever. This is natural and is to be expected. After all, you cared about her, maybe even felt like you were head over heels in love with her and now, you have to try and move on without her.

I have been asked the question, how do I get my girlfriend back more times than I can count, and I cannot tell you how many guys are making the wrong choices and decisions to try and get back their girlfriend. Here are 5 amazingly simple, but EFFECTIVE ways to attract her back:

1) Let her have her time alone.

This is not what you want to hear right now, I know this. However, if you have been dealt the unfortunate hand of her wanting to break things off with you, you have to give her some time alone for the moment. If you do what most guys end up doing and fail to give her some breathing room, then you are going to end up regretting it. Trust me on this, she needs to see that you will give her the time that she needs.

2) Focus on yourself and your own life for a little while.

What you really want to have happen, is for your ex-girlfriend to see that you are the kind of guy that she would be silly to give up having in her life. Yet, if you allow your life to kind of become a mess all because she broke up with you, then you are going to appear LESS attractive to your ex-girlfriend. And if she thinks that you are less attractive, your chances of getting your girlfriend back drop dramatically.

3) Discover what she is MISSING from you.

If she has already broken up with you, then there is something that she needs that she is not getting from you. You have to really focus on what that is, or else, you will lose her again even if you do get her back. Don’t mask your mistakes or try to let your ego have it’s ways and act like you were perfect in the relationship. If you were, you would not be reading this article, would you?

4) Make her see YOU in a brand new way.

One of the most effective techniques to get your girlfriend back is to kind of reinvent yourself in her eyes. I know what you are thinking, she already knows all about you. But, as long as you followed the first tip and gave her space, then there is at least a little gap in time and that is all that you need. When you do reappear in her life, you can CHOOSE to be seen in a much different way and she will respond very favorably to this.

5) Use female psychology secrets to YOUR advantage.

When dealing with your ex-girlfriend, you have to remember that she is a woman and you are a man. I know, that isn’t rocket science, but many men will try the tricks that would work on themselves, and not really understand why they do not work on their ex-girlfriend. If you really want to be able to attract her back, then you have to use HER female psychology secrets to provoke her to feel attraction for YOU. When you master female psychology secrets, you can attract her back VERY easily.

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by Estafema

So you and your partner met online. He or she is not the typical next door guy or gal but someone who happened to be in some distant planet across the universe. After weeks or months of long hours of friendly chats and exchanged messages you both finally decided it’s time to meet. So cupid crossed the vast oceans to bring Romeo and Juliet together. After a couple of dates and candlelit dinners your relationship stepped up to a higher level. But your Romeo needed to go back and a distant affair began.

But keeping a relationship across the miles is not as easy as falling in love. In fact, experts predict that more than half of those who ventured into this kind of relationship failed as early as the third month. Even married couples who are forced to live apart from each other most of the time due to career moves or personal obligations are not exempted from the unfavorable effects of long separation.

However, the remaining percentage who luckily survived-at least up to the moment expressed that any couple who has the strong desire to keep their relationship last despite the distance can beat the odds. As with any other kind of relationships, it’s not easy but not impossible.

Here’s how:

1. Trust Each Other. Ever wondered why couples who started on the right note ended up singing a bad tune the moment geographical distance set in? It’s the “trust” factor. Long distance relationships that are built on trust often outlived their counterparts who did not have this indispensable ingredient. The death of a relationship is often attributed to the lack of trust or the absence of it. Eighty percent of my ten year old marriage was spent in terms of unimaginable distance. Just imagine what could have happened if my husband and I did not trust each other.
2. Enjoy Your Freedom. One thing that couples find hard to cope up with during long terms of separation is the need for intimacy which if not properly dealt with could lead to cheating. The first time I slept without my husband beside me was one hell of a struggle. But eventually I began to enjoy the newly-found freedom associated by his absence. I no longer have to pick up a damp towel that was carelessly thrown on the bed, no one is hovering over me in the kitchen anymore, the TV is now set to just one channel when I watch, no one will force me to join the dining table even if I’m on my own diet program and best of all, no one will wake me up right in the middle of the night just because someone needs to exercise his marital rights. Now with regards to intimacy, how would you maintain it sans the physical aspect? Read on.
3. Keep The Lines Open. Out of sight, out of mind? False. As long as you keep your communication lines open, this paradox will not happen to you. I appreciate the time and money that my husband is investing by placing a call at least twice a week. Keeping in touch in a consistent manner is one way of keeping our intimacy alive. If you and your partner or spouse constantly communicate, you will be forced to talk to each other in more productive ways, perhaps opening yourselves deeper to one another which you may not be able to do when you talk face to face because it’s awkward. Surprisingly, you will notice that there is more to intimacy than just making out in bed.
4. Demand and Expect Less. Now you learned the importance of constant communication. But you now demand that your husband or wife calls you everyday in set hours even if you knew he or she can’t. Next to nagging, unreasonable demands and expectations are poisonous and most women fail in this aspect of their relationships. Some days, my husband works twelve to sixteen hours so if he fails to call me on a given day I knew he was on the twelve or sixteen hours shift. It’s understandable and I don’t ask questions unless I wanted to start a fight.
5. Don’t Forget Your Sense of Humor. My husband has a lot of this and he complements my more serious personality. Days are not always good, money is tight, the neighbor’s dirty and flea stricken dog is in the lawn again, traffic is too slow you could watch a full movie in the middle of the road. These are things that can make a bad day and turn cool heads as hot as the sun. Over the phone, I always fret about these things to my husband. While other husbands might tell their wives to just shut up and stop over reacting which could usually lead to as argument because one party was not heard, my husband just laugh it off and would say, “Sweetheart, don’t sweat the small stuff.”

For a long distance relationship to work, both party should be committed to build a strong foundation for the relationship to survive and work towards a common goal to make it last.

About the writer:

Estafema is a virtual service provider doing data entry, web research and internet marketing for global clients. When not working, she’s in her blog site or in her private social network site or just bonding with her 8 yr old son. You can see more of her writings at LINK.