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We have great expectations of our sex lives these days and worry when things don’t seem to work out as hoped.

I can’t just say, “Do this and do that, and I promise you great sex.” I can suggest some things to try which please many people, but you are much better placed than I to say what in particular will give you pleasure.

Before I say any more, though, I do want to stress that you owe it to yourself to be immensely responsible about who you have sex with.

Sex is valuable, you are valuable, not to be squandered on someone you do not know very well, or who does not care for you. Casual sex brings increased risk of sexual infection and HIV, and of getting your feelings hurt. This applies to men as well as women.

You must also be very responsible about contraception. It is cruel to create babies who aren’t wanted, and by wanted I mean wanted by both of you.

It’s important to use a condom even if the girl is on the Pill, unless you are 100 per cent sure neither of you could be carrying HIV or any other sexual infection.

Now – how to have great sex…. First of all, don’t be afraid to explore your own body and responses – masturbation, in other words. If you learn what type of caresses thrill you, you are much better able to help your partner to give you pleasure.

Assuming that you are making love in a very real sense of the word, then you and your partner should feel comfortable enough together to tell one another what feels good, what turns you on.

There are no firm do’s and don’ts in sex. Nothing is abnormal, or perverted between a loving couple, as long as both enjoy it and neither is hurt, either physically or emotionally.

If you’re not sure what your partner would enjoy, ask. Being in love doesn’t mean you can be a mind-reader. However, it can often help to imagine yourself in the other person’s body and think what you would enjoy now. You’ll probably be right!

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by Dulcie Pearce

LARA CARTER has slept with 20 strangers in the past year – in a desperate and reckless bid to get pregnant.

The self-confessed “sperm hunter” uses ovulation kits to tell her when she is most fertile then pretends to be drunk, throwing herself at unsuspecting fellas and making it obvious she wants sex.

If Lara, 25, meets a man who wants to use a condom, she will offer one from her purse – which she has already pierced a hole in.

Lara, an assistant office manager, says: “This is absolutely the right time for me to have a baby and nothing is going to stand in my way.

“All my friends have babies and I desperately want to be a mum.

“I don’t have a steady boyfriend and feel my time to have a baby is running out. I only need a man to provide his sperm – I would have no interest in seeing him again. That is why I’m a sperm hunter.”

Her obsession with getting pregnant started a year ago, when she attended the birth of a friend’s baby.

She says: “The moment I saw my friend hold her newborn child, I had a huge desire to feel that love too.

“I’ve always loved babies and wanted to be a mother from a very young age but from that moment it become an obsession. I have made it my mission in life to get pregnant.”

With no regular boyfriend, Lara’s desire to have a baby has driven her to target strangers as potential fathers to her unborn child.

She says: “I’ve had a couple of proper relationships in the past two years.

“But each time I have mentioned the idea of having a baby, the bloke has run a mile.

“Men my age aren’t that interested in settling down with a kid so quickly into a relationship, so I have given up on trying to have a baby with a partner. I’ve looked into getting a sperm donation but it’s too expensive.

“My nearest private clinic costs £295 for a consultation then it would cost a further £2,000 for a donation.

“There are plenty of men out there willing to have a one-night stand for free.”

Lara – who often wears a wig to protect her identity when she goes out – has a strategic system in place before she goes out on a night out.

She says: “First, I check if I’m ovulating. I have spent a fortune on the expensive tests. They cost £20 for a pack of five but there is no point going out and meeting a man if I’m not at my most fertile. After getting dressed up – and putting on a wig – I meet some friends at a bar and instantly start looking for potential sperm donors.

“As I am big-busted and like to have fun, guys are instantly interested in me.

“I immediately make it obvious I’m only after a one-night stand and most blokes are always up for that. As I need to stay in control, I don’t get drunk but pretend to be tipsy and flirty.

“Men like it when a girl is a bit drunk. It gives them more confidence. Most of the time I drink soft drinks when I’m out but pretend they are a vodka and mixer.

“When I find a potential sperm donor, I get their first name and ask if they have any STDs. If they haven’t and we end up spending the night together, I’ll sneak out in the morning.

“When I don’t want to spend the whole night with a man, I’ll get the deed over and done with before I go home. I’ve had sex in some unusual places, including a car and even nightclub toilets.

“Obviously, I encourage them to have unprotected sex, but some men want to use a condom.

“If they do, I always have one that I have pre-pricked in my handbag. That way the sex isn’t a waste of time.”

Lara, from Penryn, Cornwall, heads to nearby Falmouth to snare her male victims. She knows she is playing a lottery with her health but says: “Most guys are now very STD-aware. My generation are educated about STDs and any man I’ve been with has always been honest with me. I am tested regularly and have never had any infections.

“In the past, I have encountered four guys who told me they had an STD, so I refused to have sex with them. Most people are very honest when asked if they have an STD. I trust my instincts.”

Lara has already spent hundreds of pounds on baby clothes.

She says: “Whenever I see a lovely baby outfit, I have to buy it for my future child.

“I’ve also chosen the names my children will have. They will be Tilly and James or Matthew. I also take pregnancy vitamins, even though they are expensive.

“I haven’t taken a pregnancy test yet but every month I feel devastated when I get my period and have to face I have failed again.”

Lara admits her yearning for a baby is made worse by her circle of 20 close female friends – 17 of them have had children.

She says: “I look at my friends with envy and know I would make such a good mum. They know about my quest to be a mother and support what I’m doing.

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by Charlotte Martin

O my goodness. Could you really reach that special place without so much as touching yourself? Yes, yes,yes!

Bonk boffins this week announced the results of a scientific study that suggests women can reach orgasm just by thinking naughty thoughts.

The pleasure centres of the brain associated with orgasm light up in women who have sexy images in their minds in exactly the same way as women who orgasm through touching.

So what better excuse to take a more in-depth look at the female orgasm, than this knee-trembling news?

From the number of minutes needed for a bed-shaking experience to the ancient Greek’s strange orgasmic theories, read on for some frisky facts and sexpert Susan Quilliam’s hand-to-your-man guide on hitting the big O every time.

Some researchers believe that having an orgasm during sex increases the chance of conception. The theory: Oxytocin, a hormone released in peak levels during orgasm, causes uterine contractions that coax sperm toward the egg.

Women need about 20 minutes of clitoral or G-spot stimulation to hit orgasm, say experts.

An estimated 24 to 37 percent of women can’t climax.

The G-spot orgasm really is different. In 2008, an Italian research team solved the mystery after they found anatomical differences between women who could have G-spot orgasms and women who couldn’t and have since been teaching women how to find theirs.

Cognitive behavioural therapy, testosterone treatments, the herb ginkgo biloba, and the nutritional supplement ArginMax (which includes Korean ginseng, ginkgo biloba, vitamins, minerals, and an amino acid) have been shown to improve sexual satisfaction in women.

Orgasms are good for your health. Studies show that orgasm can reduce sensitivity to pain, relieve menstrual cramps, and alleviate stress – possibly due to a surge in oxytocin and dopamine.

From ancient Greece to Freud’s time, doctors used orgasms in women to treat the female ailment they called hysteria. In the late 1800s, the vibrator was designed for the same purpose.

It’s often suggested that people can’t think straight when they have sex on their minds, and a brain scanning study showed that many areas of women’s brains were deactivated during orgasm, including those involved in emotion.

Cramps, mood swings and generally feeling sluggish are not the best recipe for a hot night in (not to mention the practicalities of the whole thing) but during our periods could be the best time to really go for it. The reason orgasms are better during this time, is the increase in blood circulation around the groin area.

Marilyn Monroe claimed she never achieved orgasm by any of her famous lovers (John F. Kennedy, Frank Sinatra, Joe DiMaggio).

Many women are capable of multiple orgasms. The most female orgasms recorded by doctors William Hartman and Marilyn Fithian were 134 within a single hour. That is a little over two orgasms per minute.

Orgasms are believed to be an evolutionary function of nature. In 1967, Desmond Morris wrote The Naked Ape. The book looked at the female orgasm, suggesting its purpose was to not only encourage interest in sexual activity, but promote exhaustion to encourage her to remain in the horizontal position (preventing sperm from leaking out). He also suggested women’s difficulty in attaining orgasm with men, was in fact a form of natural selection.

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CALABASA, Calif. (AVN) —The unprecedented performance took place June 4, and landed Axana a spot in the Flirt4Free Webcam Hall of Fame where she was recognized for having the longest paid live show and most credits earned in a day.

This latest record is just another example of the lengths Flirt4Free performers will go to satisfy their customers and create engaging shows that surpass the standard live chat experience. At the $4 per minute customer price point, the record setting performance earned an affiliate webmaster more than two thousand dollars for that single purchase.

by Tom Hymes

AVN – In a historic turn of events, the Australian Sex Party—a government-registered political party backed entirely by a country’s adult entertainment industry—will contest both Senate and House of Representatives elections in Australia.

“The three major parties—Labor, Liberal and Greens—have become so bogged down in debating other important issues like tax, immigration and climate change that they have totally ignored important personal issues like censorship, dying, gender, drugs, abortion and sex abuse,” Patten said Monday during the official kick-off of the Sex Party campaign.

“These issues impact people’s lives often much more than broad social or economic ones and we are here to put a voice to the many millions of Australians who feel disenfranchised by the major parties.”

The Sex Party, which claims around 2,000 members, has policies that directly affect the running of the adult and sex industry in Australia but also a wide range of policies that affect moral, sex and gender issues outside of the industry. Censorship, discrimination, abortion, euthanasia, sex education in schools and drug law reform are all on its agenda.

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by Misty Harris

Fewer than one in 10 Canadian brides-to-be believes in abstaining from sex until their wedding night, despite a “save yourself” drumbeat that in recent years has reverberated through everything from school programs to pop-culture phenols such as Twilight and Glee.

The 1,241-person survey, published in a recent edition of Canada’s Weddingbells magazine, reveals that only eight per cent of engaged women agree with the statement “sex before marriage is not a good idea,” with just four per cent saying they feel strongly about it.

Researchers say the findings suggest perceptions of virginity are finally aligning with the reality of what’s been happening behind bedroom doors for decades. In other words, the behaviours aren’t new to women so much as newly outwardly approved by them.

“There’s no question that there’s a gulf between the ‘popular’ perception of the appropriateness of waiting until marriage and the extent to which people actually wait until marriage to have sex,” says Lawrence B. Finer, director of domestic research for the Guttmacher Institute. “There’s much less of the latter.”

The American reproductive health think-tank investigated the activities of some 38,000 people — 33,000 of them women — and found more than nine in 10 had engaged in premarital sex by age 44. Even for those born in the 1940s, Finer reports that nearly the same rate held true.

The behavioural research dovetails with a nationwide attitudinal survey of 1,003 Canadians that, in 2009, found 87 per cent of people have no qualms about sexual relations between unmarried partners.

Although such data set off alarms for some, a Canadian expert on feminist philosophy suggests it could be a sign of progress.

“We’ve lived too (long) on the myths of good girls and bad girls, virgins and whores, the Virgin Mary and Madonna, when most women, like most men, live somewhere in the middle,” says Samantha Brennan, a professor at the University of Western Ontario in London.

“Choosing sexual activity, before marriage, with a range of partners, can be healthy or not, just as living celibately can be healthy or not. It all depends on the person and their reasons

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by Eitan Gavish

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PHOTO: Bikini clad photos of biology teacher Tiffany Shepherd cost her her job. Now, she’s been forced to make a career change: into porn.

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A Floridian biology teacher fired after posing for racy pictures has landed a new career – in pornography.

Tiffany Shepherd, 31, made headlines in April after bikini-clad pictures of her on a fishing charter got her canned from Port St. Lucie High School. She turned to doing porn, she told a Florida news outlet, after losing custody of two of her three kids to her ex-husband and sending out 2,500 resumes – some even to prisons – without landing a new teaching job.

“I’m not particularly proud of it. To be honest, I hate it,” Shepherd told Page2live.com. “I’m an educated woman, but I never thought it would come to this. No one gets brought up thinking they’ll be a floozy.”

On screen, Shepherd goes by the name Leah Lust and has filmed five feature films, including one titled ‘My first sex teacher,’ where Shepherd portrays the very job she’s been trying to get back.

 ”It’s very professional,” says Shepherd on the Web site. “Everyone’s tested — for venereal diseases and AIDS — and I’m carrying around my little piece of paper that says I’m fine. They love me because I take care of myself and I don’t run out to party with my money.”

Shepherd got into the business after the captain of the fishing charter that got her into trouble in the first place recommended it as a way to make good money. Captain Gil Coombes, of the boat ‘Smokin ‘Em,’ owns a porn Web cam studio with his wife, Kat, called KLC productions.

“We sat down with her and told her she’d never get a teaching job again,” Coombes told Page2live.com. “So I told her, use ‘em before they fall to the ground. But God, does she need to work on her acting!”

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by Charlotte Martin

YOU meet a guy for the first time – he’s gorgeous, charming, and so very, very sexy.

After a couple of drinks you loosen up, maybe have a quick kiss and agree to coffee back at his.

But would you really hit the sack the minute you got through the door? Well that depends on where in Britain you’re from.

New statistics show that women from Cornwall, of all women in Britain, are much more likely to sleep with a man on the first date, while Essex girls are the least likely.

But is a roll in the proverbial with a near stranger completely wrong?

Here, relationship expert, and author of The New Joy of Sex, Susan Quilliam gives her advice on the pros and cons of sex on a first date.

Pros

1 – The excitement factor

“Sex can be more exciting with somebody new, especially a new date who knows only very little about you,” says Susan.

“This ‘novelty factor’ can make the experience more exciting and fulfilling physically.

“So whether you end up trying new things in the bedroom or feeling more confident about your body, this can mean a more electric experience all round.”

2 – It’s an ego boost

“He’s smoulderingly handsome and he just had to have your right there, right then – what a turn on!” says Susan.

“Sex with a guy you are meeting for a first date can make you feel like he is super passionate for you, which can make you feel much sexier.”

3 – Compatibility sorted “If you get the sex right on the first date, then you know you are compatible,” says Susan.

“It means that messy period of wondering whether you are really suited is avoided in one night.”

4 – Strong statements

“By giving him such an experience on the first date, you are making a strong statement to him that you really want him.

“This, for some men, means they are more motivated to really make a go of things in the long run.”

5 – Morning glory

“ You’ve had the night of your lives, then you can really get to know one another,” says Susan.

“Make him breakfast, planning a day out together – waking up next to him will mean you can really get into each others pockets – which could mean you build a stronger relationship in a shorter space of time.”

Cons

1 – The anti-climax

“It may be more passionate and wild, but in reality it’s unlikely that you will climax,” explains Susan.

“Women generally need to feel safe to enjoy sex fully – a man you have just met is unlikely to encourage this feeling”.

2 – It’s likely to be unsafe

“You may want a night of hot wild passion, but you may just come out with an STI or a baby on the way,” says Susan.

“How many of us pack a condom on a first date?

“Not many of us.

“Either come prepared or play the waiting game.”

3 -That sinking feeling

“No woman can swear that at some point after first-date sex, she hasn’t felt empty, ashamed and upset the following day,” says Susan.

“What seems like a good idea in the heat of the moment can result in mixed emotions the following day – and he might not call for a second date, leaving you worried that you gave too much away.”

4 – Broken bonds?

“Because you haven’t built the emotional ties as a couple, first-date sex could mean that both of you are more willing to walk away from the relationship,” says Susan.

“What might have blossomed could be over before it’s even began.”

5 – It’s your rep on the line

“He may feel you ‘put out’ for anyone and instantly lose respect for you,” says Susan.

“This will leave you feeling ashamed and upset, and will mean the relationship is unlikely to move forward.”

Now tell us what you think. Is nookie on a first date a no-no? Or is leaping into bed early on no problem for you? Share your thoughts .

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Special to The Canadian

The results of a relatively recent survey in Britain have led to announcements that Brits, in particular young female ones, are amongst the most sexually active or ‘promiscuous’ (depending on your perspective) in the world.

The survey of 2,000 young people by the magazine More has apparently found that young British women have more one-night stands than their peers in Australia, France, the Netherlands, Italy and America.

It seems that traditional perceptions have been routed and young women in their 20s now have more sexual partners than their male counterparts.

The new survey found that the average 21-year-old woman has had nine sexual partners, compared with men who on average have had seven and a quarter of the women questioned poll had slept with over 10 people, compared with a fifth of men.

These women also admitted that they were not always faithful to their partners with half confessing to one incident, whereas a quarter had been cheated on by a boyfriend.

The survey also revealed that many women take ‘huge risks’ with 38% admitting they do not use a condom with a new partner and 16% having caught a sexually transmitted disease — which has highlighted issues concerning sexual health with many young women.

Most respondents say their sex life was not fulfilling enough — 13% are ‘disappointed’ and a further 10% admitting it was non-existent.

The survey also revealed that few young women now adhere to traditional views on sexual morality and few were prepared to wait to be married before having sex and most had lost their virginity by age 16.

Many were not in love with their first partner, and only one in three believes it is important to be in love with someone before having sex with them.

The survey also found that 60% would be prepared to “kiss-and-tell”, and would sell their account of a one-night-stand with a famous person for £ 20,000 and four out of 10 said they would marry for money or sleep with their boss if it meant they would get promoted; a quarter would have an affair with a married man.

According to the survey, the average young woman has sex three times a week but five times a week would be preferable.