by Ambrose Diaz

Even for people who are sexually open, the act of talking dirty — or ‘erotic talk’ as most of the experts call it — can be a bit of a stumbling block.

It achieved infamy on a late, great Seinfeld episode when Jerry tried unsuccessfully to talk dirty with his girlfriend, asking her if she was wearing the “panties that your mother laid out for you.”

In an effort to overcome that kind of awkwardness, here are some tips on how to talk the talk. Apprehensive? Well don’t worry — erotic talk is really nothing to fear. It’s a very healthy way of sharing an erotic experience. As Dr. Carol Queen, author of Exhibitionism for the Shy says, it’s just another form of sexual communication.

“Today I can ask for exactly what I want sexually, and learn my partner’s preferences, via direct questioning and fantasy talk. Communicating this way will maintain — even heighten — our level of arousal.”

Overcoming Oral Bashfulness

If the very thought of erotic talk makes you want to take a lifelong vow of silence, there are a few baby steps you can take. Dr. Queen suggests working on your shyness by talking out loud to yourself while you’re masturbating. Don’t worry if you can’t muster up a coherent sentence — just making sounds is a good start. As Dr. Queen says, “If you think erotic words or phrases while you coo and gasp, you will find that as you get more turned on, the words will superimpose themselves onto the sounds.”

Just Express Yourself

It’s important not to blow erotic talk out of proportion. You don’t have to prepare notes or talking points on cue cards. At its core, you just have to express yourself. Giving and receiving feedback during sex is the best starting point to engaging in erotic talk. Saying that you really like something that your lover is doing counts as erotic talk, so repeat after me: “I love it when you do that.”

Move from general phrases like the one above to more specific phrases like, “I get so hot when you lick my nipples…” or whatever it is you like having licked.

Let’s Play ‘Optometrist’

Asking your partner questions while you’re having sex is another effective erotic talk technique. Just like when you’re having your eyes examined by the optometrist, ask your partner if (s)he likes it better “like this” or “like this.” When they tell you which method they prefer, ask them why. Bingo! You’re engaged in an erotic conversation.

As you continue, keep communicating. Find out what you can do to make your partner happier by asking, “What can I do to make you come?” My optometrist has never actually asked me that question, but I always wish she would.

Vocalizing how you’re feeling, how you want to feel, and what you want to do is the very essence of erotic talk. Once you’re comfortable with that, you can branch out into more fantasy-filled conversations where you don’t necessarily have to be talking about what’s actually taking place in the bedroom. When you use words to express whatever your fantasies are, you can place yourself in absolutely any erotic situation you want.

Phone It In

When you can’t, for whatever reason, be in the same room as your partner, put your erotic talk to good use, let your fingers do the walking, and engage in the some phone sex. It’s the safest sex you’ll ever have and as Bonnie Gabriel writes in her book, The Fine Art of Erotic Talk, “A telephone tryst can serve as a vehicle to keep your romantic feelings alive, to enhance intimacy, to build erotic anticipation, and to fuel your sexual fantasies.”

Gabriel suggests a number of ways to phone it in, like having an erotic conversation every night before bed, setting up the phone call with an anticipatory playful email during the day, and including erotic details that are “specific to your partner and not just elements of sex in general.” (Best to use your ‘hotmail account’ rather than the office email system for this one).

When it comes time for your orgasm (i.e. ‘eargasm’), Gabriel says “If you find yourself becoming too aroused to continue talking, express your growing excitement through your breathing, sighing, and other passionate sounds. Remember, your voice is the only line of connection with your lover here, and you want to keep that line flowing with sexual energy.”

And when you’re done, say a little prayer for Alexander Graham Bell. If he only knew what he started…

Original Source: Lavalife Magazine. LINK

Abstinence: Not Recommended by many Doctors

by Kaveh Mohebbi

With Labour Day behind us, and as the first signs of fall begin to spill over the golden brim of the horizon; we need to establish a more prominent, effective way to deal with the stress that often comes with the start of a new season. When turning to stress reduction techniques, it turns out, nothing is more failsafe than the tried and true natural approach to having a ‘brawl’ between the bed sheets with your significant other. Whether involved in a serious relationship, or just practicing safe casual sex with a close friend, here are twelve medically supported health benefits that will help justify that extra jump in your ‘mojo’ this fall season.

Health Benefit #1 – Cut Risks of Life Threatening Attacks In Half

A positive sigh of relief for all men out there, last year Forbes Magazine reported that a study conducted at Queens University in Belfast shows that men who engage in sexual intercourse at least three times a week cut their risks of heart attack and stroke in half.

Health Benefit #2 – Increase Your Senses (At least one of them)

A similar study conducted at Queens University also suggests that sex hormones, when at it’s most active, help develop neurons in the brain that lead to a heightened sense of smell. Queens is not the only university to have reached the same conclusion in their studies, putting more meaning to the phrase “wake up and smell the flowers”.

Health Benefit #3 – Who Needs To Go To The Gym When You Can Just Have Sex?

A more commonly known benefit to sex is that it is a very good workout, with certain sessions burning about the same as 15 minutes on a treadmill. It’s a great form of both physical and psychological exercise. As reported on WedMD’s Health and Sex column, ‘Thirty minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more and is a great mode of exercise according to Patti Britton, PhD, a Los Angeles sexologist and President of the American Association of Sexuality Educators and Therapists.’

Health Benefit #4 – Looking to Bulk Up?

Needless to say, sex also boosts the production of a steroid hormone from the androden group. The name of that hormone? Testosterone. A greater production of testosterone leads to stronger bones and healthier muscles.

Health Benefit #5 – Sleep Tight

Having trouble sleeping at night? An article in the Health and Sex column of WebMD.com reports that according to medical research, the oxytocin released in your brain during an orgasm helps promote better sleep. Putting to rest any other home remedies you’re mom might have suggested to you as a kid [i.e. warm milk?]

Health Benefit #6 – Save Money on Tylenol

Suffering from a bad headache? As it turns out, the very same oxytocin which help you go to bed at night also release endorphins as they surge throughout your body. This release of endorphins is a natural painkiller, which can help alleviate headaches, reduce Arthritic pains as well as reduce Menstrual cramps.

Health Benefit #7 – Lower Blood Pressure

As reported on WebMD.com, one big health benefit of sex is lower blood pressure and overall stress reduction. Researches in Scotland found that subjects had better response to stressful situations (i.e. public speaking, verbal arithmetic) when engaging in sexual intercourse beforehand.

Health Benefit #8 – When The Bun’s In The Oven…

It is commonly promoted in the medical world that having sex during pregnancy can trigger natural labour when the time is right. According to AOLHealth.com, Sex can trigger the onset of labour when you’re at term. “Semen contains prostaglandins, when they’re against the cervix, prostaglandins help it dilate and induce natural labor.”

Health Benefit #9 – Super Human Immunity (Sorta)

Many members within the medical profession would agree, a healthy sexual life could reflect positively on a healthy physical life. According to WebMD.com, a study at Wilkes University shows that having sex several times a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A [or IgA] which ‘can protect you from getting colds and other infections’. The study showed that college student who claimed to practise abstinence had much fewer immunoglobulin A in their saliva samples than those who claimed to be sexually active.

Health Benefit #10 – Just Being Confident

Published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, a study conducted by the University of Texas, ‘Boosting self-esteem was one of 237 reasons people have sex. WebMD.com has this to say on the finding. ‘That finding makes sense to Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist and marriage and family therapist in Cambridge, Mass., although she finds that those who already have self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better. “One of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves,” she tells WebMD. “Great sex begins with self-esteem, and it raises it. If the sex is loving, connected, and what you want, it raises it’.”

Health Benefit #11 – Pleasant For The Prostate.

Last year, Australian researches reported that frequent ejaculations, particularly in men in their twenties, may reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life. When the research was followed men diagnosed with prostate cancer and those without, they found men who had roughly 20 or more ejaculations a month while in their twenties reduced their risk of getting prostate cancer later in life by a third.

Health Benefit # 12 – Fountain of Youth

Holding on to your youth life grim death? Well the solution to that youthful beauty you’re looking for might just be found in-between the bed sheets. According to Dr. David Weeks, a clinical neuropsychologist at Scotland’s Royal Edinburgh Hospital, there are clear signs that suggest that an active sex life may help us live longer. Conducting a study of over 3000 people of ages ranging from 18 to 102, Dr. Weeks publishes his results in his book Secrets of the Super Young. “Sex actually slows down the aging process.”

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by Dr. Joseph Mercola

According to a new study, healthier men, no matter their age, have better sex more frequently and desire it more often than healthier women — and a healthier sex life could mean a longer life.

The paper’s findings have wide implication for attitudes toward public health and how patients respond to doctors’ advice. If a doctor tells a man diagnosed with diabetes or high blood pressure that losing weight could mean five extra years of sex life, that could be a powerful incentive.

Women outlive men by an average of five to six years and without a partner, women are less likely to engage in sex. Also, while there is a cultural acceptance for drugs such as Viagra for men, this is not necessarily the case for women.

by Ronnie Ali

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	Participants in Toronto’s 2007 Pride Week.

Every so often, even the most secure and reserved Toronto citizens engage in conversations about sex, fucking, fooling around, romping, bumping bellies, cumming, burying the treasure and even searching for the treasure. Despite this, there is still a general hesitance to embrace sexuality, all it’s facets and all the different modes of expressing sexuality. We’re absolutely fine with the overdose of heterosexual innuendos plastered on every billboard that’s not in proximity to Church & Wellesley in downtown Toronto.

Outside of Pride Week the majority of sexually diverse individuals are being satisfied with mere tolerance. Solely striving for tolerance is unacceptable. A healthy culture of sexuality needs to be cultivated in order to produce generations of sexually sound individuals who do not abuse it as a method of rebellion, or violence.

Making room for sex outside of our bedrooms, or community parks and in our daily conversations, with a little bit of maturity and childish enthusiasm, will help foster an immense awareness of our amazingly diverse city. When this is accomplished, we can anticipate generations of healthy sexual individuals who respect the human body as a sexual instrument and embrace sex as a symbol for passion, lust, power an sometimes love and money.

Many of us assume that we have already discovered and established our sexualities and have appropriated a respective label for it. But after reading some books and comparing my notes with some of my recent conversations and sex escapades, I can only come to one rather ironic conclusion: none of us have really got our sexuality figured out; and, our hesitance to embrace sexuality stems from this ultimate insecurity.

If we consider ourselves to be impressively complex and sexual cognitive beings, then the boundaries of our sexualities will seldom be as cut and dry as we believe them to be. I would be quicker to say that everyone’s sexuality is as sticky and re-mouldable as play-doh. We should be able to explore every potential sexuality, and adopt certain aspects of each as part of our own. After all, once we have been exposed to even the slightest sexual stimuli, we will seek to partake in anything rewarding. Furthermore, since we are all highly unique individuals (a round of applause for our fantastic genes), our sexualities must also be highly unique; and, our physical environment controls the expression of those genes, allowing for our flexible or boringly rigid sexualities.

We all can experience that bone-rattling and stupefying sexual experience with a wellspring of people and objects. So why not substitute your vibrator or fleshlite with a member of the same, opposite or ambiguous gender? Why not experience the full capacity for every sexual use of your body? Sex can be just sex, the factor of men, women, MTF, FTM, blue, green, alien, four inches, nine inches, 30 seconds or four hours is simply a variable: the dynamics are the same. In a recent argument, my friend made the claim: “I’m straight but I like to ‘cross over’ from time to time”. In another conversation: “I’m not gay, I only liked you.” While I still doubt these friends are actually straight, these sentiments seem to resonate throughout my peers and is indicative of a unique and flexible sexuality rather than one with a label and conditions.

Perhaps we’re already progressing to a culture in which we are expanding the boundaries of our sexual scopes. It’s fucking fabulous However, most people haven’t realized that we have limited our sexualities by allowing social institutions in place today to facilitate how we think about ourselves and our capacity to be fully sexual human beings. We must not relent and limit our sexual arousals solely to physical attributes, even though they can be sacredly important at times.

We should see people as multi-faceted, complex and beautiful creatures with a basic sexual essence. I think it is important to experiment at all ages; and by exploring the so-called forbidden and chaotic caverns of our sexual minds so we can establish our own highly unique set of rules that govern a sexuality that is true to ourselves. Through engaging in conversations, escapades, and yes, even reading, we can create the venue for this much needed revolution to unfold.

by Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D.

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Now it’s time I told you about what I call the megagasm, the tsunami of orgasms.

As women, too often we spend time restraining our sexuality. We are conditioned to make no disturbance. Moisture on the sheets or otherworldly sounds emanating from our bodies are considered un-ladylike. Well, get ready all you un-ladylike ladies—because the megagasm is for the woman who is ready to make a ruckus. It is an intense, full-body, and beyond-the-body experience. An enormous tension release occurs, to the point that you’re virtually unable to stand up or think for a while after you’ve had one. I’ve had less than a dozen of these in my lifetime. One was when we were filming my experimental sex film, Sluts and Goddesses. We captured my megagasm on tape, so we were able to time it. It was five minutes long, very intense, and not at all ladylike! My face looked as if I was having a baby. Several women who saw the movie, told me that they’d also had similar kinds of megagasms. So I’m definitely not the only one who has had them.

Ride The Megagasm Wave

During a megagasm it can feel as if there is a lifetime of pent-up emotion bursting free — and it is. You might feel a sensation of being “breathed by the Universe”; your body open with electricity streaming through. You may experience lots of tingling in your hands and lips, your jaw may chatter, and your lover may end up having some kind of contact orgasm too. Just hold on tight, and ride, ride, ride that humongous wild tidal wave of bliss.

Some people get scared of, or are uncomfortable with, the force of a woman’s megagasm—or, for that matter, her other orgasms. Women tell me they feel they have to hold back the full force of their orgasms because their lovers can’t handle it. That’s a crying shame. To begin resolving this issue, I suggest that, when you’re not in bed, you talk with your lover(s) about their fears and concerns. Explain to them how you feel, and that you want the freedom to really be the powerful volcano that you are. (Of course, you have to give yourself that freedom as well.)

Megagasm Memo

It’s rather difficult to describe exactly how to have a megagasm, because women and their lovers are all so different. But here are some notes about megagasms:

Megagasms happen at times in your life when you need to release a lot of energy. You have to be in the mood to have such an intense release. From what I have gathered, megagasms don’t happen all that often. In my experience, megagasms are brought about through very intense physical, sexual stimulation; very hard and fast vaginal penetration combined with really strong and steady clitoral stimulation. Sometimes they can be triggered by “erotic pain,” such as from biting, or stretching the vagina wider.

Some women I know have had their megagasms from ‘fisting.’ Fisting is when someone gets penetrated not just with fingers, but with a whole hand. Then there’s ‘semi-fisting,’ where several fingers and part of the thumb are inside, but not going past the knuckles. The stretching feeling can be really exciting for some folks, and some need that intense stimulation to trigger their biggest orgasms.

Give yourself permission to delve as deeply as possible into your biggest and strongest orgasm. Keep going beyond your threshold, beyond what you thought you were capable of.

To have more powerful orgasms, get in touch with your physical power in places other than the bedroom; practice karate, do Tai Bo, kick boxing, dance wildly, etc. Just a few lessons can have a big impact. Be willing to express your power. Let the lion inside you roar!

Remember; don’t let any of this information make you feel inadequate if you have not yet experienced any of these orgasms. You are at the right place at the right time in learning about your orgasms. Or perhaps you’ve had various kinds of orgasms that I haven’t even touched upon.

Read more in Dr. Annie Sprinkle’s Spectacular Sex! Make-Over Your Love Life With One of the World’s Greatest Experts on Sex